Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
