The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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