that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
