If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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