the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
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i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
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At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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