Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
