My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
