How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
