And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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