I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
