I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
