If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
