and you said cock pushups were impossible
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
