Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
