either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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