grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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