It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
