After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
ttyl tear gas
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
