That's when you crack a 10am beer
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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