Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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