The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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