dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
