she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
