we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
