So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
