Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
