all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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