i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
