You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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