batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
