First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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