There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
how drunk are you?
Several
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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