Your tits are I can't wait for
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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