He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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