hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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