the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
