? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
