Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
