i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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