I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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