that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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