The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
