"it" just moved
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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