Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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