I CAN MOONWALK!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
