totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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