So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
