The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
