she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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