I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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