it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
