so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
