On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
