Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
