just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
