She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
