I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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