The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
