my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
