its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Found your dick twin last night
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
