Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
the raccoons are back...
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