i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
