No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
