i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
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Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
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I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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