I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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